One of the hardest parts of motherhood is feeling alone. It is terrifying actually. Sometimes I think to myself, "I have a family... and there is so much love between all of us... why do I feel so alone?!" More than anything we need reminders that although we are, in truth, alone in a lot of ways; we are NOT the ONLY ONE. This is a huge distinction. Can you feel it? Yes, you and you alone have to face your inner-turmoil and internal conflicts of motherhood. However, you don't have to hide in embarrassment and or shame because you're NOT the ONLY ONE. You are not the only mother who feels like you're not doing enough or even that you are not enough. In actuality, you are the norm. You are okay. Welcome to the table.
That is why I have started this blog. I am passionate about normalizing the internal chaos that ensues when we are trying to raise little humans and maintain a connection with our spouse. Some of us are better at disguising the chaos. Some of us feel it more than others. Wherever you are there is room at this table for you. At this table I will venture to be brave in my honesty and vulnerable in my weaknesses. However, although there is some cathartic relief in simply talking about the hard facets of motherhood and don't believe that is enough. I believe it is important to try and make meaning (intentionally) about these things. If we don't culture will. If we don't we leave ourselves up for the taking.
Why should I "make meaning"
How we define and attribute meaning to our meltdowns, our lack of patience, our lack of desire matters in the long run. It matters for your own sense of well-being. What do you say to yourself when your child is having a meltdown? What do you say to yourself when you loose your s*%$ and scream at your child? What do you say to yourself when you feel isolated and though your husband will never understand? Do you ignore all the feelings? Do you think it is all your fault? Do you blame your children? Do you hate yourself for it? Do you feel like you're doomed to fail? I know, I know... these are pretty intense... but lets get honest who hasn't thought these, even if just for a passing moment. So what happens if we stop here and say these things over and over for years. What story are you writing? What messages are you sending to your children about you; and therefore about them? Okay, phew, take a deep breathe... exhale… I know how intense this can feel, especially for those of us who haven’t visited these conversations for a while. As a reminder, you are okay. You are the norm. It is just not enough just to “know” that, is it?
We need to make meaning out of the chaos so that we have a sense of empowerment over it. When we let our chaos roam without putting words to what is happening, we can loose hope. We can start to feel isolated and overwhelmed. Maybe you're thinking, "Hmmm.... no... this isn't me, I don't get mopey and sad..." Maybe you're the perfectionist mom who buries her own pain. Maybe you shut down your feelings and start to over-function. This is for you too because I am convinced that there is an universal experience of motherhood that we can all relate to.
Hopefully, you will find lots of relief here. Hopefully, you will find some hopefulness and some space to be honest with yourself. You may be lonely, however there are others and I am willing to bet they are ready to join us at the table, drink some wine and make some meaning out of this craziness of motherhood!